Periods – Yeah, That Kind

With fancy products like ‘Vibrating Mascara‘ and ‘Oscillating Mascara‘, it seems to me they could do a little something to make a Maxi Pad more appealing. I was complaining that the scented pads smell like clean baby diapers. A woman doesn’t want to smell like a baby, but perhaps Lily of the Valley rather. My friend said that ‘Funky Beach Explosion‘ would be a great scent, which I disagreed with as I laughed. But then I realized, wait, she may be on to something. Perhaps that product could also feature “Exfoliating Sand Granules‘ .

Is It A Requirement Then?

…That is, to look like a fucking freak if you are the face behind a food product? My apologies, really, but Perdue looks like Perot (and Perot looks like Perdue). Either way, they both look like chicken. Then you’ve got Colonel Sanders, who’s look was oddly stolen from Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top. Neither of them look like chicken, but technically, one of them should.

When Dreams Completely Surprise You

I should have known not to take an afternoon nap. I always have crazy dreams then. I have to wonder what is wrong with me as I dreamed that my husband was wearing an Aladdin outfit and was dancing in a dimly lit theater with a red velvet backdrop. He had a crotch attachment to his get-up that resembled what I can only imagine would be the equivalent of an elephant’s penis. He twirled it around and around as he sung in a little girl’s voice. He made strange facial expressions and acted so confident, despite his terrible act and disturbing appearance. I, thankfully, woke up, ending this “daymare.”

It Was About 1987, Chicago

About three times a week I would walk along Michigan Avenue from Columbia College, where I was taking Broadcast Communications and Journalism courses. Often I would see this Andy Warhol look-alike, white hair and all, approaching passerby in front of the Art Institute. One day he came up to me and handed me a photocopy of a wooden clothes pin. I, for some reason, saved it for a few years. I say it that way because, after all, it was just a photo copy (I suppose that can be art too). I wonder what his name was and what he went on to accomplish. I saw him there all the time; he was obviously on a mission.

Forgotten Hits – A Wonderful Blog

A friend recommended the following blog to me and I really enjoyed it. Therefore, I am passing the link on for you to enjoy as well:

http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/

My Confuser Confuses Me

I swear, sometimes I feel like 3 different people. No, I don’t think I have a mental disorder. I have suddenly decided that I have made wrong decisions all along the way by ignoring many of my artistic abilities and desires. I guess no one takes a person seriously when they say they want to paint pictures – initially they don’t, as a general rule at least. So, I found ways to write, and I am not a very good writer. It’s definitely not a strong point of mine. My vocabulary should be increased for one, but I think the main problem is that my thoughts are all over the place. Anyway, part of me wants to see the world and stay in a different hotel every night. Part of me wants a relaxed life full of massages, naps and swims in the pool. No, I don’t have a pool. The other part of me wants to find a fun and decent job in the music industry. I have a lot of knowledge in that arena. Most of all, I want my husband to act like a team member and put more effort into getting out of our rut. He has the most wonderful of traits but responsible, ambitious, energetic, and confident are not some of them. He wants things – like motorcycles, motorcycle parts and more motorcycles. I want things – like a professional haircut, to own our own home and a second vehicle. Honestly, if live is always going to be this hard then I’ll just park my ass in front of a TV the rest of my life and rot, in complete agony. And what makes me suffer more is seeing others struggle too. I just want everyone to live their dreams and be happy. You know?

How To Not Answer The Phone

1) When you get a professional call for someone who no longer works there, do not assume we know this and treat the caller like they’re stupid.

2) Please allow me, the caller, to finish my very short sentence before continually interrupting me by jumping to conclusions on three of the words within.

3) Do not act like the ex-employee was a total piece of shit – like one female employee at a large PR firm I called did about an old contact of mine. Terrible representation of the company she works for.

4) Do not speak ill of a popular band that you no longer represent – especially when you do not know me – unless I am talking about working with them.

5) Do not chew loudly while speaking. Put me on hold for a moment instead.

6) Don’t speak so fast that no one can possibly understand you.

This is Really Cool

CARL SAGAN MUSIC VIDEO, FEATURING STEPHEN HAWKING

‘A GLORIOUS DAWN’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSgiXGELjbc&feature=player_embedded

Serenity Now! Bring on the Dancing Hot Dogs!

When I’m having a bad day or get bad news, my thoughts directly go to dancing hot dogs (like the refreshment stand red hots you used to see on screen before a movie, not the ones that dance on your plate). It happens instinctively – since I was very young. I find it curious that this calms me, despite the fact that I don’t necessarily love hot dogs or think they’re that cute. Now, Chicken McNugget people? Those were c-u-t-e! I particularly liked the sheriff. I’ll have to work on rerouting my thoughts.

For fun, here’s a McNugget toy commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zd_P9XCSe8&feature=player_embedded .

Odd Sayings Overheard

Terms I have recently heard, that were either foreign to me or that I haven’t heard in ages:

• Busy as a one-eyed man at a burlesque show.

ie “Really busy? Preoccupied?”

• What aisle are the Modess Pads in?

ie “Maxi Pads”

• It’s the frost on the pumpkin out there!

ie “It’s cold!”

• You can’t fly with one wing.

ie “You can’t have just one drink.”

• It’s ten bells.

ie “It’s 10:00.”